So I’ve been quiet for a while now, I’m back again :) with a little encouragement I’ve decided to finally speak up.
2014 had been the worst year ever, but up until a few weeks ago I knew it was going to turn around for the better. Things weren’t going well for me from the previous year. I tried so hard to not let the previous years drama to come into the new year.
From an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship, mother being in hospital for months, hating my life and my job, literally everything was getting on top of me and I hit rock bottom. The negative thoughts literally took over my life and it was sucking the life out of me.
20th January 2014, I finally went to my GP and told them everything I was going through. I got diagnosed with Severe Depression, and the moment they told me that, my whole life actually crumbled. I was on anti-depressants for a while but it made me feel so much worse, got sent to therapy but I didn’t like the fact that they made me go back and think about the past and what triggered these emotional and very dark thoughts.
Overcoming depression became the hardest thing I ever had to do. Work was hard after this because the side effects of the meds were affecting me at work. I had constant break downs where I thought I was going crazy because I would just think about everything that I went through and I wonder why me, I had never ever felt SO low in my life. I tried so hard to eliminate negative thinking and probably lasted a few days and then end up in my gloomy funk.
I had to do something that was going to help me slowly overcome this and I tried to turn to my faith because I knew that would probably get me through. I was so hot and cold with my relationship with God. I felt he had given up on me and this was His way of punishing me.
Over the months of working on new ways to overcome depression I came across a few things that would help me. A few self help, encouraging and inspiring books; I also tried to always think positive. I got that tattoo ‘Positivity Breeds Happiness’ and every time I look at it I always try to think of at least one positive thought and it makes me happy at that moment in time.
During this time I had a very good close friend that I turned to, they were my escape. They made me forget about everything for the moments we would chill. I loved that there was someone there for me. Good company was what I needed after everything.
As much as I wanted to be by myself, I was scared when I was alone. I had my girls I would turn to when I wanted to just ‘turn up’ or eat and just live life. My sisters made things better for me as well. All the holidays this year with them were happy memories and made me forget about the problems, then I came back to reality and things just turned into one wild emotional roller coaster.
After everything I was going through I was telling myself that I had to go back to church, my old church that I had left 3 years prior. I felt like everything was worse because I wasn’t there receiving the word and just having a consistent progressive relationship with God.
3rd September 2014, I experienced a spiritual attack for the first time. Worst feeling ever. I had to ask my friends to pray for me, I don’t know how it came to happen but it was NOT a nice feeling at all. I didn’t know what was going to happen to me. I felt so empty and confused, didn’t know what the hell was happening around me. The devil really did try it with me that day.
I prayed like I have never prayed before, cried, prayed, cried some more, read the bible, cried..you get my drift! After that day I told myself that Sunday I was going back. And it was like everything was happening for a reason. Before the pastor got into the word that Sunday morning, the spirit told him to pray for particular people that were suffering from heart problems, problems with joints in the body and depression. I can’t lie, I tried so hard to fight back the tears but that was a myth. He reminded me that my healing is now. I claimed that bad boy!
After that I decided that I has to realign my focus, spend more time with God and just get deep into the word and stay prayed up. I have to always remind myself that we all have challenges in life, but we can make them better or worse by the way we talk about them. Everyday is constant self improvement, and I’m always trying to better myself. Not trying to be the same as yesterday. I have a sound mind, I refuse to invite negativity into my life. My mind is full of wisdom and knowledge. No darkness or evil shall take over my mind and lead my life.
Beginning of September I decided to the #100DaysOfHappiness challenge on Instagram and normally you upload a picture everyday of something that makes you happy. I remixed it and basically uploaded happy thoughts, best decision I made. Despite the episode that took place on the 3rd of September, every day has been a good day. I haven’t thought negative thoughts since and I feel happier that this is a way that has helped me majorly to overcome depression.
“Think positive and positive things will happen. Don’t give any negative thinking any space in your mind to manifest and come to pass.” – Me, 2014
I’m now on a journey to my peaceful place and I’m happy I’m further and further away from the negativity that I experienced in life.
Apologies if this post was long winded but after everything I realise that I can do anything if I put my mind to it.
Thanks for reading xo