See, I don’t know if there’s anyone that can’t relate to this or if there are some that can but just don’t like to speak up on their personal life, I get that. I don’t have a problem with speaking on my life experiences and how I have learnt from them, maybe my experiences can help and encourage someone out there. I’m all about transparency, so apologies in advance. As you can tell from the title of this post, I am going to touch on my experience as the unmarried Christian single mother to be. Most of you – well those that follow me on social media and actually know me personally, know that my relationship with God comes first – He is my everything, He is my joy in the time of sorrow, peace in the time of confusion and power in the moment of weakness. I’m the type of person that does and doesn’t care what people have to say, it depends on what it is.
After I found out I was being pregnant, it’s as if my mum-to-be-radar activated instantly, anything people had to say about single mothers, being a ‘crazy’ baby mum, having kids before marriage – all of that negativity – I can’t stand it at all, and a part of me gets very irritated by peoples ignorance and opinions, but thats what it is, an opinion which definitely doesn’t mean its a fact! I always say this about majority of situations, unless you are dealing with it or have dealt with it – you can’t speak on it. By all means, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and you can say what you feel on it, but that’s it. That is MY own opinion on it, whether it’s depression, pregnancy and becoming a single mother – if you haven’t experienced it, keep it hush.
You’ve read the post about when I found out about being pregnant, I mentioned my Godmother, who is also a pastor, praying for me – see my main reason for wanting her to pray for me was because I was filled with so much fear and doubts about how pregnancy would go. I wasn’t concerned or even thinking about the “condemnation” of others – I really didn’t care about that. See the things with Christians, and I say this in the most sincere way possible – majority are choosey, lukewarm and judgemental beings. My Godmother isn’t and I was very surprised. She prayed for me that God may show mercy on me, and she also told me that I should pray that I should feel no condemnation about this all, because as much as what happened was done by sin, nobody has a right to judge me. She also told me to pray for the child’s father too, that was going to be very hard for me but I did it anyway, once I had forgiven him and forgiven myself for being angry at him – I just prayed that God will ease his heart and just deal with him however God needs to deal with him. Not once was I against him, I didn’t speak bad about him at all. He told me what he wanted me to do, I didn’t want to listen and we just stopped talking.
There was one Sunday I went to church and after service went to tell the pastor who I considered a mentor – yeah, not everyone can have that position or title, it definitely needs to be earned and I’ve just realised that. I went to him after the service and then asked him to pray for me and he was like are you scared about what people would say, he was asking questions about the child’s father and if we are together, asking what my mum had said and if she was supportive, everything under the sun. Yooo, I just came to you to ask you to pray for me – I didn’t need to be interrogated like this. A few days later, my mum and came to tell me that he was acting some type of way towards her as she works in the church, that irritated me a lot and I just disappeared from church for months – once again! I did not expect the pastor to be like that at all, not a bit of support, just trying to find out information to gossip with the other pastors.
The next few months I was in this on my own, I wasn’t going to church but I felt that I needed to work on my relationship with God ten times more than ever because I was about to be a mum, I was carrying another being, I was responsible for someone else as well as myself. Life was about to change real quick because of the new blessing that God has given me. The one thing I’d always remember is that my Godmother said my child is a blessing from God, none of this was a mistake and everything has happened for a reason – she is going to have an extraordinary purpose and she will teach me many things. Oh that is very true, I’ve learnt a lot whilst being pregnant and it’s all because of my baby girl, and for that I am truly grateful.
I had been praying like never before, read books that would encourage me spiritually, fasted (not food) and distanced myself from certain things and people. There were many times I felt like giving up but that was my time to pray. I needed to realise that prayer helped me to keep going and that very soon I was going to get a breakthrough. I prayed that God would watch over me, I prayed that God will continue to strengthen my growing baby. I would constantly say that “God didn’t say the weapons, negativity and the evil wont form against you – He just said it wouldn’t prosper. He will get me through it all.” The one thing I prayed about which to this day I still pray about is that none of my actions or experiences will not be karma to my child, I also pray that her dads actions would not affect her when she is older. I pray peace and wisdom over her life always, I pray that all the blessings I have prayed for that I haven’t got that she will receiver every single one, I pray that I have the best relationship with her from young and I am her first best friend, and I hope she never keeps anything bottled up and away from me.
I did eventually go back to church after praying about if I should go back to my old church or find a new one for the new journey I was on, but for some reason the spirit always takes me back to where I didn’t want to be and I was always uncomfortable – that did make me realise that in order to grow you have to be out of your comfort zone, so i realised that staying in my old church was the place for me to be. Funnily enough, after I went back, the word that the pastor was spitting was fire, every Sunday service I would be writing notes that I could apply to my life as a mother and a woman who is still growing in Christ! It’s amazing how God works in mysterious ways you know. But being back at church, even though I still get the weird looks, I don’t care what anyone has to say because I get told people are talking- I just keep my distance and do my jujitsu when people attempt to touch the bump, don’t do it.
All I can do is continue to pray and have faith. Prayer has gotten me through a lot and will always get me through everything. For everything I am praying about, God wants it more than I want it for myself. Be it healing, finances, health, wisdom, spiritual growth etc – God wants that breakthrough more than I do. As long as it is his according to his will for my life. I would never pray out of fear now. I always pray in faith.
Anyway, thank you for reading. Stay tuned for more posts to come…
Be blessed x