The unmarried Christian single mother to be..

See, I don’t know if there’s anyone that can’t relate to this or if there are some that can but just don’t like to speak up on their personal life, I get that. I don’t have a problem with speaking on my life experiences and how I have learnt from them, maybe my experiences can help and encourage someone out there. I’m all about transparency, so apologies in advance. As you can tell from the title of this post, I am going to touch on my experience as the unmarried Christian single mother to be. Most of you – well those that follow me on social media and actually know me personally, know that my relationship with God comes first – He is my everything, He is my joy in the time of sorrow, peace in the time of confusion and power in the moment of weakness. I’m the type of person that does and doesn’t care what people have to say, it depends on what it is.

After I found out I was being pregnant, it’s as if my mum-to-be-radar activated instantly, anything people had to say about single mothers, being a ‘crazy’ baby mum, having kids before marriage – all of that negativity – I can’t stand it at all, and a part of me gets very irritated by peoples ignorance and opinions, but thats what it is, an opinion which definitely doesn’t mean its a fact! I always say this about majority of situations, unless you are dealing with it or have dealt with it – you can’t speak on it. By all means, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and you can say what you feel on it, but that’s it. That is MY own opinion on it, whether it’s depression, pregnancy and becoming a single mother – if you haven’t experienced it, keep it hush.

You’ve read the post about when I found out about being pregnant, I mentioned my Godmother, who is also a pastor, praying for me – see my main reason for wanting her to pray for me was because I was filled with so much fear and doubts about how pregnancy would go. I wasn’t concerned or even thinking about the “condemnation” of others – I really didn’t care about that. See the things with Christians, and I say this in the most sincere way possible – majority are choosey, lukewarm and judgemental beings. My Godmother isn’t and I was very surprised. She prayed for me that God may show mercy on me, and she also told me that I should pray that I should feel no condemnation about this all, because as much as what happened was done by sin, nobody has a right to judge me. She also told me to pray for the child’s father too, that was going to be very hard for me but I did it anyway, once I had forgiven him and forgiven myself for being angry at him – I just prayed that God will ease his heart and just deal with him however God needs to deal with him. Not once was I against him, I didn’t speak bad about him at all. He told me what he wanted me to do, I didn’t want to listen and we just stopped talking.

There was one Sunday I went to church and after service went to tell the pastor who I considered a mentor – yeah, not everyone can have that position or title, it definitely needs to be earned and I’ve just realised that. I went to him after the service and then asked him to pray for me and he was like are you scared about what people would say, he was asking questions about the child’s father and if we are together, asking what my mum had said and if she was supportive, everything under the sun. Yooo, I just came to you to ask you to pray for me – I didn’t need to be interrogated like this. A few days later, my mum and came to tell me that he was acting some type of way towards her as she works in the church, that irritated me a lot and I just disappeared from church for months – once again! I did not expect the pastor to be like that at all, not a bit of support, just trying to find out information to gossip with the other pastors.

The next few months I was in this on my own, I wasn’t going to church but I felt that I needed to work on my relationship with God ten times more than ever because I was about to be a mum, I was carrying another being, I was responsible for someone else as well as myself. Life was about to change real quick because of the new blessing that God has given me. The one thing I’d always remember is that my Godmother said my child is a blessing from God, none of this was a mistake and everything has happened for a reason – she is going to have an extraordinary purpose and she will teach me many things. Oh that is very true, I’ve learnt a lot whilst being pregnant and it’s all because of my baby girl, and for that I am truly grateful.

I had been praying like never before, read books that would encourage me spiritually, fasted (not food) and distanced myself from certain things and people. There were many times I felt like giving up but that was my time to pray. I needed to realise that prayer helped me to keep going and that very soon I was going to get a breakthrough. I prayed that God would watch over me, I prayed that God will continue to strengthen my growing baby. I would constantly say that “God didn’t say the weapons, negativity and the evil wont form against you – He just said it wouldn’t prosper. He will get me through it all.” The one thing I prayed about which to this day I still pray about is that none of my actions or experiences will not be karma to my child, I also pray that her dads actions would not affect her when she is older. I pray peace and wisdom over her life always, I pray that all the blessings I have prayed for that I haven’t got that she will receiver every single one, I pray that I have the best relationship with her from young and I am her first best friend, and I hope she never keeps anything bottled up and away from me.

I did eventually go back to church after praying about if I should go back to my old church or find a new one for the new journey I was on, but for some reason the spirit always takes me back to where I didn’t want to be and I was always uncomfortable – that did make me realise that in order to grow you have to be out of your comfort zone, so i realised that staying in my old church was the place for me to be. Funnily enough, after I went back, the word that the pastor was spitting was fire, every Sunday service I would be writing notes that I could apply to my life as a mother and a woman who is still growing in Christ! It’s amazing how God works in mysterious ways you know. But being back at church, even though I still get the weird looks, I don’t care what anyone has to say because I get told people are talking- I just keep my distance and do my jujitsu when people attempt to touch the bump, don’t do it.

All I can do is continue to pray and have faith. Prayer has gotten me through a lot and will always get me through everything. For everything I am praying about, God wants it more than I want it for myself. Be it healing, finances, health, wisdom, spiritual growth etc – God wants that breakthrough more than I do. As long as it is his according to his will for my life. I would never pray out of fear now. I always pray in faith.

Anyway, thank you for reading. Stay tuned for more posts to come…

Be blessed x

When I found out I was pregnant; Part 2 👶🎀

Right, i’m sitting there in the nurses office, and only ONE thought is going through my head… ‘What am I going to tell my mum?” It wasn’t even abortion or even telling the father of the my child; because I felt that if I didn’t have her support, this pregnancy was going to be very miserable for me. The nurse then tells me that I am 4 weeks pregnant. I’m having anxiety attacks and I’m panicking thinking ‘Who do I call?’ ‘What do I do?’ – so the nurse leaves me for a bit to calm down and I text one of my close friends. ‘Call Me.. NOW’, as soon as I that messaged said delivered – no read receipt, she calls me. ‘You’re pregnant’ she said. Me sobbing, ‘Yeah’. ‘Sh*t!’, she replied. Now out of all my close friends, this girl is the only one who knows how to calm me down when I am having anxiety attacks, she’s telling me to walk home and get some air and keep calm. I’m walking through woolwich, with my shades on crying my eyes out, just overthinking.

Those who do know about my story, me and overthinking aren’t the best of friends because it sends me to a very dark place. Nobody has time for that at all. I’m there stressing, thinking about how I’m gonna tell my mum. The fact that it was my birthday the following week was completely at the back burner of my mind – even though I had paid for the celebration already. Joy! I’ve calmed myself down, then as soon as I got through the doors of my house, I dropped to the floor and just burst out crying. I just drank some juice and just cried in bed. I felt so confused, I know how this happened but how could it happen to me. I’m not going to bad mouth the guy – I have no time for that, but this was not the circumstances I wanted to have my first child, no way.

I’m already thinking to myself; I’m going to be a single mum, nobody is going to want me because they think I’m coming with so much baggage. I’m thinking all the negative thoughts that come with being a ‘baby mum’ and I just sunk into a deep, dark funk. Dropped out of university twice, not in a relationship let alone a stable one, the only thing I have going for myself is that I’m working  a stable job and the money is better than it has ever been; other than that, if I didn’t have that, I was doomed. Doomed I tell you! I had all types of doubts that afternoon I found out and I needed to talk to someone. I had to call my Godmother. I’ve called her and I’m sobbing down the phone, sniffing in between words and she’s there thinking something terrible has happened. Yeah, my whole life has changed, since I found out I’m going to be a mum. I say to her ‘I’m sorry and I don’t want you to judge me, but I just found out I’m pregnant.’ I swear saying that, was scarier than me finding out I was pregnant. These were her exact words, ‘Okay, so why are you crying? Why do you think I will judge you? I hope you’re not thinking about getting an abortion, because that is murder, I will not allow it!’

I didn’t know what to say, I was actually speechless. By the way, my Godmother is a pastor so hearing that from her was amazing and I knew I had her support. I asked her to pray for me and she did one serious prayer for a good 25 minutes, I can remember it like it was yesterday. I swear to you, my faith has always been up and down and I definitely needed God on this new journey, because If I didn’t have Him, I was actually going to go crazy. After she prayed for me, I felt a lot calmer than I did before during the afternoon. I made dinner for my mum and myself and then went to sleep. The next day, I felt a sense of peace, like genuine inner peace within myself. After that day I told myself, that I know I’m having a girl and her one of her names will mean Peace. So her Ugandan name is Mirembe, which means Peace, the name has stuck with me and I told myself I was having a girl from day after I found out I pregnant. (Random information, I know!)

Now the day I’m going to tell my mum that I’m pregnant comes. It is a Friday morning and I’m telling my mum I need to talk to her, the first thing she says is ‘Has your period come?’ I tell her it hasn’t, she stares at me, walks out of my room, out of the house and goes to work. She didn’t even say anything to me. The evening time comes, and I reach home after her and she’s already having dinner. So we talk now and she’s already looking so disappointed, but I’m just praying that this goes well. I don’t need her being angry or disappointed at me. This is how it goes, ‘Okay I’m 5 weeks pregnant and I’m not having an abortion I didn’t know how to tell you but please don’t be angry at me.’ Exactly like that, no pauses, no breaks, all in one breath. I just panicked, once again.

So hear this, or read.. Whatever. She goes in on me, telling me I wasn’t responsible, what the guy has to say about this, what I am going to do, saying she wants to kick me out etc. We are going back and forth arguing for 20 minutes and then she says to me, ‘I’m too young to be a grandma’ laughs and then stands up to hug me……………

I can’t lie, I got a bit pissed off – you can’t be angry and then switch to being happy and over the moon just like that, I understand it’s her first grandchild. I walked off and went to bed because that pissed me off. I got over it the next day though.

when I found out I was pregnant…👶🎀

It’s now 26 weeks later and I think I’m ready to tell the story of when I found out I was pregnant. I was actually supposed to write this about 4 weeks ago, but baby brain is very real. Some may feel like it’s not all that but I just want to share it anyway and looking back on it – flipping hilarious.

So let me set the scene, I’ve JUST started my new job which isn’t in retail and I have prayed SO hard to get a decent job that doesn’t suck the life out of me. I’m about to do some intense training for 3 weeks all the way up in Kent – LONG but so worth it, because I really enjoy the job. I’m not going to go into detail about the myself and the guy because we all know what coitus is – if not, google it. But, let’s just say that contraception pills are very crap – very very crap – but I am happy that after all the shock and fear I will be meeting my baby girl in under 3 months.

Anyway, just started this job – imagine it’s just training – I haven’t even gone to the station and even started the probationary period. If i flop this training, that’s it – I get paid for it but it means I just have to go and look for another job. Bare in mind at this point I didn’t know I was pregnant, because according to my period tracker app, I was due in week. I don’t have irregular periods or anything so this was odd. But one thing I do know with me is that when I am under a lot of stress and also have an ‘excessive’ amount of alcohol – it delays my period. There was a long bank holiday weekend that I about to enjoy with friends; music, food and liquor – total enjoyment I tell ya!

Training wasn’t all that tiring but I haven’t done intense training like this before, I would wake up at 5am to make my way to Kent for 8:45am to start at 9am. It was very exhausting but if I wanted to pass training, I had to get used to it! Everyday after training I was tired, like extremely tired. I would get home at 4pm have something to eat and then sleep until 5am the next morning, I did this for 3 weeks straight. I don’t understand how and where this fatigue came from but it was oh so real. I would sleep everywhere – there was times I would fall asleep while eating dinner when I forced myself to stay up, fork in my hand and all of a sudden my mum is waking me up! I had no appetite as well, i would go the whole day with not eating but just drinking juice and lucozade to stay up and I kept peeing more than usual. I still wasn’t clocking on.

Skipping forward to my TOM due date or so I thought it would be due… So this is when the awkwardness kicks in, most females would understand this part. If you’re around any females for quite some time, somehow your monthly cycles syncs. That was my mother and I. We were due around the same time.. She came on and I didn’t *gulps* and she was asking me if I had come on and I was like ‘nope, it’s the stress of training – all the tests and revision is getting to me’ I haven’t revised anything since year 11 GCSEs so believe me, I was actually stressed.

A day went by, 3 days went by, a week went by and still no monthly visit.. I was getting very anxious at this point now. My mum is still on my case, and I’m telling her training is coming to an end, so it will be coming soon. I’ve now passed my training and I’ve started working in the station, signed the contract and I’m ready to start this new chapter in my life, little did I know I was about to start another chapter as well. 2nd week in the station and I’m telling myself I need to take a test because this can’t be happening, why is my monthly visit still not here. The funny thing is, I was getting my monthly visit symptoms, sore boobs, cramps, loss of appetite and I’ve stopped eating fried chicken (don’t ask, but it makes me sick) – but I told myself that I would get a test to have a peace of mind and then everything would be okay.

So I’ve gone to the clinic to get a pregnancy test done, the woman was asking all those questions – ‘when was your last period?’ ‘when did you have sex?’ ‘what if the test is positive, what will happen?’ I was not even trying to think about the what ifs and what not. Nope, not today. I go pee in a cup and I was waiting to be seen by someone else. My name gets called and the same nurse I saw earlier wanted to see me again and finish off with the test – I got scared because normally you see one and then see someone else after. Nope, not this time. Asking me more questions about everything, my heart is now beating in my throat and I’m thinking ‘why is she being long? Tell me its, negative and I can go home and sleep’

She went to go check the test, turned around and pulled her glasses down her nose, looked at me anxiously and said ‘it’s positive..’

I blacked out…

to be continued.

Jesus at the centre of it all…🙏🏾❤️

Putting the Lord almighty at the centre of my life has been one thing I was always shaky with. But now he is the first I go to when I’m down and he has been more than faithful to me and blessed me and is still blessing me even more; spiritually not only with material things. It’s a lot! I love him more and more each day because even when I fail him, he NEVER fails me. 

I’ve gone from being suicidal and suffering severe depression to being 3 months away from being a mum and being SO happy; as in the happiest I have EVER been. God is amazing, right? People ask me how do I do it, and the only answer I can give them is prayer. The power of prayer should never be underestimated, ever. All I ever pray for is strength; mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I feel as though I’m in such a great space now and nothing can bring me down. 

Nearly 2 years ago I remember being in such a bad space, I hit rock bottom. I hated life, I hated work, I hated being around people and most of all I really hated myself. My mum was in hospital for nearly 3 months and to see her in such a state was heartbreaking; the doctors saying she would never be able to walk again; all because of an infection she got while at the hospital. I was going through a rough time. 

Every time I would go to the hospital I had to go underground and I would just zone out and think about which train I wanted to jump in front of. There were a few times I had dreams about how life would be without me and I definitely had to snap out of it immediately. Long story short I had to do some serious praying to get through that period of my life. 
The period between then and now has been very rocky; having my heart broken, spiritual attacks, feeling worthless. The suicidal thoughts came back one time at the end of last year and I wanted to go for a walk by the riverside near my house around 11pm; I actually remember my aunt wouldn’t allow me to go out by myself. Let me tell you that was God right then because I had planned to jump but she came with me to just rant and let out all I’m feeling and thinking. I remember that night; it was raining heavily and I was just crying in the rain and crying out to God. 

To think I’ve had depression for 10 years but it only affected me severely the last 3/4 years, I’m just happy, even though it sounds bad, I’m happy I was able to deal with it the past couple years. I refuse to be filled with so much fear, hurt and anger. My heart always felt heavy and it wasn’t a nice feeling. The burden I was carrying not remembering Jesus died for all of this. I feel bad because I don’t want him to carry all my problems and all the bad things I’ve done but that’s his job. I just needed to have a repentant heart and remember he loves me no matter what. 

Years later that I believe I am stronger than I have ever been. Mentally, spiritually and emotionally I feel as though I’ve had my tests in life but now all I have is testimonies to share. I’ve been doing my very best to just have faith and forget about what can’t work and probably won’t work. people have been saying ‘You can’t do this alone!’ I’ve got God, I’m not alone at all. He has been SO good to me and given me blessings that I thought I could never get, all because I had faith you know. My faith is stronger than ever. I will never doubt God because He always comes through for me. Some people don’t want to hear about God too tough they just want to blank it out, that’s cool though, we all know that nothing is by force. But one thing’s for sure; I will let my life tell you about Him. 

Now depression and pregnancy isn’t my portion and I have definitely been rebuking that. I can honestly say that I haven’t once had a negative thought or suicidal thought at all and for that I thank God. This is what happens when I put Jesus at the centre of it all. 

To my unborn child…

You don’t know how excited I am to be your mummy. It fills me with so much joy that I’ll be meeting you very soon. I am elated that God has given me such a blessing. I’ve had so much love to give but nobody genuine to give it to, the day I meet you for the first time I will make sure I smother you with it; so you know you don’t deserve anything less. I’m loving you more and more each day, even when you kick me in the morning when I want to sleep in late.

I want to be able to teach you life lessons that they won’t be able to teach you in school, college or university. I want to be able to tell you my experiences and what I learnt from them. I’ve made many mistakes in life and that’s what life is all about. Don’t let anybody tell you that you’ll never amount to anything! You can do anything, and be anything you put your mind to. I’ll be your number one supporter from the moment I hear your first cry in 4 months time.

The moment I found out I was having a little girl I held back tears because I knew from 6 weeks pregnant that you were a girl. I was filled with so much joy that I can’t even put it in words how I felt. I prayed to God for him to bless me with what He knows I can handle. And Lord knows that I can handle a baby girl because I’ve got so much to tell you and teach you.

It may just be me by your side and there are some things that I won’t be able to do or teach you that you need to learn from your dad but Lord knows I will try my best to give you the best of both worlds.

That doesn’t mean you can now start saying happy Father’s Day to my mum – no! 

I don’t know what else to say to you other than I cannot wait to meet you my angel my peace my one and only.

I love you baby girl 💗

Financial Warfare…

Hello hiiiiii. Hope you’ve all been well and had a great week.

Financially, this year hasn’t been the greatest for me, struggled a few times, but I’ve got by with the help of friends and family and my faith that things won’t be like this any longer. I always just need to realise that I will get through it all and my situation isn’t permanent no matter what.

I was studying the bible and the scripture I was standing on for this week, praying and meditating on was initially the famous Philippians 4:13... I always just read the scripture and that was it; but it wasn’t until I decided to go deeper and read the verses before it got to verse 13. Take a look..

Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength – ‭Philippians‬ ‭4‬:‭11-13‬ NLT

I read it and I was literally like ‘yoooo, hold up’ I realised it holds SO much power. Can you see how deep it is?

I literally went from having a full time job, to a part time job, to having no job for a few months, working a dead end job of 4 hours a week to getting a full time job to now working part time again. It’s been a roller coaster 😩 but I’m good you know. I went from living that life of always eating out, enjoying life to then struggling to even get money for a simple weekly bus pass. Times were hard.

In all this, I’ve learned to manage my money and also to always rely on The Lord because I know He can get me through it and He continuously gives me strength to keep going. I’ve learned to be content when I have a lot and when I hardly have anything also. The Lord will get me through it.

Thank you to EVERYONE who’s helped me financially; you will be rewarded. Just wait on it ❤️

Well that’s all from me for now. Hope this encourages someone. Stay blessed xo

Eliminating Negativity & Radiating Positivity 🌸💛

I’ve had a number of people asking me how I overcame depression, what did I do personally without professional help and medication. This post is going to go into a bit more detail about how God set me free from negative emotions. It is through God I gathered strength to overcome this dark period in my life, there are times I feel low still – but things are much better.

DISCLAIMER: this blog post is not just aimed at Christians but there are SOME people who find encouragement through bible scriptures. Before everyone thinks that I am a ‘bible basher’; I am far from that. ALSO not to take away from God, I know I did overcome depression by myself, but if it wasn’t for my faith in Him and Him giving me strength, I believe I personally would still be struggling to overcome this obstacle.

We all tend to overthink, and it can be quite risky. You have to see it as the past has gone, we live in the now. We have the control to make a difference on what has been.

If you knew me a few months/years back, you’d know that I was quite an emotional person. I used to live with anxiety, fear and hopelessness like it was a way of life. I used to think nothing was going right, that I would never be genuinely happy at all. Obviously, I did have some happy times but it was the negative thoughts that overpowered the positive side of me. I came to my senses when I finally realised that negativity wasn’t getting me anywhere and wasn’t going to fix things in my life. It was so draining and I could see how it would affect me physically as well as mentally/emotionally.

I am a born again Christian and have been for the past 8 years, I can honestly say that my relationship with God has been a roller coaster, it hasn’t been perfect at all, and I tried and still do try my best to see what I can do to make things right within myself and to please God.

Did you know that it is possible to live without negative emotions? It actually is, and we can do this if we PRAY. God will remove all the doubt and hopelessness off of us if we ask Him to. I’m sure there are times where we have felt like we are alone and abandoned. But the truth is we aren’t. God is ALWAYS with us when we call upon Him. We don’t have to be controlled by our negative emotions. We can actually resist these negative emotions by praying and knowing the truth of what God’s word says about them.

No matter what problems I had in life, I always needed to remember that the Lord had overcome them for me and for you. What I needed to know is that when I was always worried and anxious it meant I wasn’t trusting God to take care of me. He’ll prove His faithfulness if I run to him. Being angry and bitter wouldn’t solve anything it just constantly ate me up inside, when a root of bitterness takes hold of your life, it consumes you and cuts off the blessings of God. There were times were I felt so hopeless, but I needed to realise that no matter how bad things appear to get in life, I should ALWAYS have hope in the Lord, because he will see me through it all.

Below are a few negative emotions that I dealt with and still do kind of deal with but with time I will overcome completely, also I’ve added scriptures that I would read and meditate on when I felt some kind of way.

FEELING NERVOUS – Spending time with God will free you from anxiety | Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Jesus Christ – Philippians 4:6-7

FEELING IRRITATED – Don’t let anger control you, it’s so draining | ‘Don’t sin by letting anger control you’ Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives foothold to the devil – Ephesians 4:26-27

FEELING DISAPPOINTED – It’s SO easy to focus on the negative and look for everything that is wrong with your life. You can and you will overcome this | For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength – Philippians 4:13

FEELING JEALOUS – When you set your eyes on someone else and what THEY have instead of the Lord and what HE has, that greedy spirit invites misery and disappointment into your life. | A sound heart us life to the body, but envy us rottenness to the bones – Proverbs 14:30

FEELING DEPRESSED – So many people live with depression and accept it without even noticing. God doesn’t want us to live with these feelings. He wants us to have the joy of the Lord rise in us and chase away the spirits of heaviness. God wants us to cry out to Him so He can lift us out of depression. | The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is close to those who have a broken heart and rescues those whose spirits are crushed – Psalm 34:17-18

FEELING SCARED – I always used to think I was alone when it came to depression and that nobody was there for me but when I realigned my focus towards God things got better | I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for He is right beside me – Psalm 16:8

Negative emotions reveal doubt. If we thoroughly trust God, what do we have to be anxious about?

May God continue to bless you xo

I am reaching out to those who do not want to suffer in silence anymore. If you would like to talk to me about depression, anxiety, or if you would like encouragement and motivation; please don’t hesitate to drop me an email:

All emails are confidential!

remember to eliminate negativity and radiate positivity. As ‘rinsed’ out some may think the phrase is, it’s the truth positivity breeds happiness. 🌸💙